On August 3rd 2021 I was at the end of myself - another failed relationship along with numerous failed business ventures and my mum was finding it difficult to recover from the effects of pneumonia. I had come to the end of myself and I knew it. Nothing I did could pull me out of the place I found myself at. All my survival strategies that had gotten me through the last 30 or so years were failing at a rapid rate and it was a very scary point in my life. I remember waking up on the morning of my birthday 2nd August 2021 crying, I could not stop crying and I cried for nearly 24 hours. It was in the early morning of August 3rd that I had been up 18 or so hours crying uncontrollably at times. I was seriously scared - I was scared for myself and my children and I was not in my own mind. I asked a friend to stay over as I felt scared for my safety. She tried to console me but I knew there was nothing she could do or say that would take this away and really I just wanted another adult present in my home. She went to bed and I continued to cry into the early hours. I was doubled over in emotional turmoil and anguish. I cried out to the Lord and I asked for help as there was nothing left of me and that was the only thing I had left was to ask God if you are real please come and help me as I can not do this anymore, I can not do it on my own and I cried and cried and asked God to help me. The music I had on at the time changed to some worship songs that I at times would listen to not thinking too much about them. They suddenly started playing and without knowing it at the time I started to worship the Lord. I would worship at the top of my voice and then be back doubled over in and out of emotional turmoil crying out to God to help me. Then as I was doubled over in emotional pain, I felt the atmosphere around me change, it startled me! Still bent over I opened my eyes and could see that my entire kitchen was visibly brighter. As I started to lift my head to see what was going on, God spoke to me and he advised me that he could dissolve everything that seemed impossible for me to do, he said “I can dissolve it all just like that” and that I did not have to do any of the things that I thought I had to. He said “I will take it all away just like that”. At that moment I knew I had been saved. It was as good as God calling me up and having a telephone conversation with me. I immediately stopped crying and I contemplated what had just happened for a few moments longer. I knew in that instance everything was going to be OK and I was able to go to bed and rest.
Over the following weeks it took me a while to really grasp what this meant for my life and as I reflected on my encounter, it was hard to look at how lost I had been and how wrong I had lived my life. I felt God pulling me in the direction of church and I am going to be honest I tried to ignore it and run from it but God kept pulling me in that direction until I found myself in church.
In January 2022 I got baptized in water. It was a really special moment for me and I was so ready to declare to my friends and family my Love for Jesus. In November 2021 I was baptized in the Holy Spirit , In February 2022 I signed up for Bible college which I still attend and in February 2023 I became a church partner in the church I attend. I serve where and whenever I can.
In January 2022 I also lost my mum. The Lord has carried me through the last few years and has blessed me in so many ways. It hasn't always been easy and Losing both your parents is never easy but I know that the Lord has got me. God planted me in a church and he gave me a whole new family.
November 2022 I attended a women's conference at church and I felt the Lord say to me that I would be leaving work soon. Which I felt strange as I had only just got a new job after taking a year out to recover from burnout and the grief of my mum. So I held on to that thought. In January 2023 I felt the Lord say to me it’s time to leave work. So I prepared to leave. Handing in my notice. Which leads me to this point now. Here I am just me and God and I have decided to partner with him in business. I feel the Lord has put this website on my heart. If I am honest I don’t know what will transpire at this stage but I do know that the Lord will reveal each step to me as he opens it up. For now this is where we are at with it, the very beginning of building a website and writing the content for it. I do know it is to be called Desire and it will be a hub and a community for others to gather, I also know there will be a clothing brand to accompany it.